Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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