You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
