Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
