so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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