toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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