so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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