I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
