The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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