Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
