Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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