Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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