awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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