I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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