Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
