Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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