Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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