i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
