I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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