How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
