I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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