Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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