Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
