i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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