You just made me feel so damn special
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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