hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
