a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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