I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You've changed since you got that strap on
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize