Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
