i permit you to call me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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