When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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