she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
