i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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