9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
