i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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