I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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