So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
