I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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