Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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