you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize