If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
