The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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