2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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