From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
