Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
