I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
