I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Jerry, you need to find god
I cockslap morals
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
