if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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