The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
