I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
