Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
