im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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