i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
