I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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