the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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