; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
