The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
