the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
