The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
