Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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